Next, ask, What does this fear mean to me? How can I take steps that mean a change in my life so that I'm prepared IF my worst fear is realized?

For instance, when I became severely weakened four years ago by two MS attacks within a few weeks, my hus-band traveled three days a week and couldn't push me around the house in my wheelchair, we needed to rent a scooter for inside the home. As the weakness lifted some, I began my five-day weekly exercises gradually, and then the follwing year another MS attack hit me. When we saw I'd progressed some, we made plans to get a power chair for me to use when necessary.

But this brings up another step to managing fear--sometimes healthy denial of what might happen helps us live life more fully. Don't expect the worst. Don't dwell on what could happen. Live for TODAY!

And then, we must grieve losses that actually do occur and progression of our disease. This is not wrong--Jesus himself wept! It's healty to cry--it releases endorphins into our system that are healing, not the opposite. Once I grieved the need for the power chair for distances because I just can't walk far, I began enjoying the free-dom it gives me.

Support groups, where we can talk about our fears, are helpful. And being honest with our family members if they're old enough is good as well--especially our spouse. He/she may need to share their fears. If they can't do so one-on-one with us, then a support group for spouses of ill partners can be a good outlet. It may be a place where they feel free to open up.

My most powerful antidote to fear is praising God because of WHO HE IS. When I focus my heart on praise I take my mind off myself and my fear. I'll open up to questions and comments now.

(Above is copyrighted material by Jo Franz September 2007)

Shep: This awfulizing is a very familiar term to me having dealt with anxiety and panic disorder for over 20 years now. I was taught a program that included a step called reframing the 'awful thing' in such a way as it 'proved it wrong.' Are you familiar with that particular method of 'reframing the fear' into a more realistic size and situation?Jo Franz: No, but it makes sense. The steps I suggested sound like that very thing. Putting it in perspective.

p.j.: I'm familiar with Joni E. T.'s story. Honestly, that is my worst fear ever--to be paralyzed. Therefore, I always keep an option in mind for escape to the point of having a d.n.r. order in will. I'm not Joni, tho admire her greatly. Family thinks I am awful having plans on what to do is such and such happens. Don't know how to overcome that fear. Is it a sin to have a back up plan? Others make me feel guilty.                                                            Jo Franz: I don't think it's sin. I think as long as you don't focus on it constantly. Do you think you do? What do you mean by Option in mind for escape? I think worrying about anything, focusing on it can be sin because Jesus told us not to worry about tomorrow. Can you focus on today more by remembering Jesus loves us and has tomorrow in his hands?

JBZ: You mentioned that we should put things into perspective - but how can we do that if there is absolutely no way of knowing the truth of what is going to happen or how we will react to it as it does? Only God knows these answers...We cannot predict the future but some truths cannot be avoided, for example, that we will all die some day. But we can't live our lives thinking about the day we'll die. Are you talking more about these certain things? Jo Franz: Knowing the truth means that God cares and loves us and won't allow anything to happen to us he can't use for our good. It doesn't mean we know what the future brings by any means regarding anything. Does that make sense?

p.j.: No, I don't focus on it all the time-                                                                                                           Jo Franz: That's good. What do you mean by means of escape? I want you all to know I have fears. It's what we do with them that matters. This is when we have to take them to God because we trust that he cares.

p.j.: No I realize worry is like a rocking chair--u rock and rock and get no where--but yes, it is in back of mind a lot.                                                                                                                                                             Jo Franz: I would suggest you decide each time the fear of paralysis comes into your mind you focus on something else. That way it doesn't become such a feature in your life.

JBZ: would this be similar to asking yourself what is the worst that can happen and realizing that it is not really as bad as we thought and can be dealth with?                                                                                               Jo Franz: Yes! Many people think--If I'm ever in a wheelchair, I'll die! But when that happens to them they adjust and realize they can still live.

carol: Embarrasment is problematic to me, and have found that perhaps the idea of awfulizing, (may help with this too?) I should not care how people will react to something, but think we all do to a degree? Feeling that people who knew me before all this took place, how I looked, and all that I could do before and the energy, makes me hate to be seen anymore, and yet (and at time I'd) conquer this fear, I am able-I find-to still do many things yet for God. I do worry about the "what ifs" knowing I seem to get worse each year.                                Jo Franz: Yes, worrying about what people think and feel about us is awfulizing. So--what's the worst that can happen? they don't like me? they don't accept me as I am? There ARE PEOPLE WHO DO, so I need to let these people be my source of joy and help in my life.

heal: Great thoughts on fear - this can apply to all of life- especially since we seem to be living in a world where fear builds on fear.                                                                                                                                       Jo Franz: AMEN, especially since yesterday was 9/11.

heal: there is an excellant book out there that talks about 'cognitive restructuring' and gives you step-by-step ways to do it and also lists the destructive thought patterns we engage in--such as awfulizing woe is me perfectionism and how to reframe them.                                                                                                        Jo Franz: Great. Thanks for sharing that with everyone!

Shep: One veerse that has really helped me and that I keep posted on my computer screen is "The Lord will perfect that which concerneth me; thy mercy O Lord endureth forever. Forsake not the work of thy hands." Psalm 138:8 --keeping the WORD posted around us is a great way to 'see' the Lord near us all the time.           Jo Franz: I agree! I remember verses I've memorized at painful, fearful times. They come to me from the Spirit. Fill our minds with the Word of God and we will live fearlessly!

craftingrama: Do you have any suggestions on how to handle family that makes you feel even more useless than you're already feeling? Somedays I feel like saying to them "get behind me satan" but I know they would probably call the guys with the white coats. Hehe                                                                                          Jo Franz: Yeah, I wouldn't suggest you say that! However, I'd sit down or encourage a counseling situation or group session with the disease group you are part of and tell your feelings with "I" sentences--"I feel so and so when you say so and so to me..."

Shep: One thing with panic attacks, the common concern is almost always imminent death -- so whe I am 'anxious' about something, but not really fearing death, I know i can 'rationalize and de-awfulize' it. With a panic attack, it is important for me to know that htere is something 'chemical' going on and I am not a 'worry wart.' Being told to 'just top worrying' when you are in panic is like telling a diabetic to 'just balance your sugar levels'--some of these things really do need to be 'medicated' like any other disorder. Medication doesn't mean it is a sign of weakness.                                                                                                                                       Jo Franz: I agree. RXs are necessary for some conditions.

Carol: Guess we need to just 'take today at face value' and realize that God still has things for us to do to make a difference for others in spite of what we are living, now? We must live in the present taking 'One day at a time' growing old gracefully, knowing God is in control of each thing each day?                                                        Jo Franz: Yes, Carol! You're on track. I sing a line from a song each day that says, "All my days ar gifts from you, I pray I use them as you want me to. Use them for you," and then I pray for wisdom for that day. "Shine through me today, Spirit, to whomever I speak and see--even angels watching!"

Host Laura LRae: The clincher for me in deciding how to deal with my fear is where my trust lies. Am I trusting in a plan I've decided for myself without consulting God because I think I know what I can cope with, or am I trusting God and that I don't have to worry about what will happen because he promises to take care of every need and he knows my needs better than I do.                                                                                              Jo Franz: That's right. Have any of you focused on praising God because of who he is? I find when I'm doing that fear melts away.

Beth: Re angels: Something I learned from Joni E.T. is that even when we think there's no one there to see how we're handling our lives the angels watch and praise God.                                                                               Jo Franz: Yes, I learned that from her as well. And when I'm alone laid up with an MS attack (or in the hospital due to the cervical spinal cord injury) I remember angels are watching.

JBZ: How do we deal with people who 'de-awfulize' it too much, because thy don't realize what it's like to live with a chronic condition?                                                                                                                                    Jo Franz: Good question. It's really important for WE who have the disease to let others know what were dealing with. They can't know our invisible symptoms. They ned to know how much we're affected by them in order not to de-awfulize them. Honesty in relationships is crucial. My first husband let fear fule his life (and he was a pastor) without telling me, so that when he exploded, I had no idea.

Shep: Jo, you seem like an incredible person - dealing with your physical illness, emotional issues, and yet, you have found time to do so much more. It begs the question "How do you balance 'work' and caring for yourself and your family?"                                                                                                                                              Jo Franz: You're very kind. I LOVE LIFE AND GOD! Well, our children are grown and out of the house--so that helps! I pray for the Spirit's strength in ALL THINGS I DO, because without his help I wouldn't be able to do much. This year I've done better than I have in four and I'm multi-tasking more than every with the book out, TV and radio interviews, and speaking!

Jan-Lyn: I get focused on who and how I will be taken care of if I am unable to care for myself. My extended family tends not to be able, nor always do they believe my illness since it is strange and invisible. I get frightened thinking of my 3 children having to watch me die. How does one overcome that type of fear? I try not to focus on it, but it is with me daily--this is probably sin, but also, not being financially prepared.                      Jo Franz: I can only iamgine how you feel--bless your heart. BLESS ALL YOUR HEARTS! I think taking steps to see how you can be more financially prepared would help you deal with that fear, don't you? I would talk to your children. Ask them how they're doing with your illness. Love them with all your heart and let God handle the unknowns. But focus on what YOU can do to make life easier for all of you.                                                    

p.j.: wow, if eve your husband (a pastor) didn't get it - or know what to do - no wonder mine doesn't.                   Jo Franz: Anyone can make decisions to focus on the wrong things--we're all human.

Beth: I came in late. You may have covered this, but another thing that has helped me is remembering that "It's Not About Me." God is the important  One here. Not that he doesn't care of course, but he's working out a special plan in my life to glorify Himself. (AND for my best too! How neat is that?!)                                           Jo Franz; YES, THAT'S IT!               

Angie: Jo, I don't understand your statement about hubby - u think u should have told him more?                       Jo Franz: I think we should have dialogued mroe. But there was more to it than that. You'll have to read my book to get it all. :-) He made some very wrong choices, and we needed to be communicating better--and I learned part of that was my problem. He divorced me after 15 years of marriage, 8 with MS.

JBZ: It's so hard to keep an honest relationship while feeling properly understood and respected...but I guess you won't get that either by hiding or lying about things.                                                                                  Jo Franz: No. We MUST learn to be honest and upfront but use "I" not "YOU" sentences. those are attacking or blaming and people don't respond well at all to them.

p.j.: I agree jo. You are doing a great job. An inspiration to us all!                                                                    Jo Franz: Thanks so much. I've had so very many difficulties--note just illness and physical trauma--and I've learned we just keep on praying honestly to God. It's a privilege to be God's servant. It's an honor and a joy. I just LOVE getting to do things like this and speak and sing and write! Find things you like to do and do them for the Lord!

Host Laura LRae: Our hour is over. thank you, Jo...let's close in prayer....Thank you for how You've worked in Jo's life and for bringing her here to be a blessing to us. In Jesus' name...Amen!